Strike a pose

Last week (& partially last week) I've had to cut back on wearing eye makeup because of this wretched thing called a "stye."  My left eye was apparently really irritated when I wore fake eyelashes (oh the small price for beauty)  With less makeup and working out in the mornings before work (my hair is what it is after workouts), I definitely felt frumpy, bothered and just not pretty. Then I was reminded of how much we depend on the material things that make our eyes look bigger, our lips pout or our chests stick out.  Or how our culture depends on these so much so it becomes an obsession! 

On another note, I am so thankful for the support of Haseeb & Maya Omar of my pursuit into the modeling industry. Haseeb is a fantastic photographer, developing his hobby into a real genuine passion.  We shot some photos in Balboa Park and I couldn't get enough of the experience!

Last weekend we drove to the beach in Carlsbad (which was BEAUTIFUL btw) with another photographer, another model, Haseeb and I.  The weather was gorgeous, water temperature perfect and Oliver Henry Asis shot some AMAZING photos. Aren't they impressive?  I absolutely love the contrast in the lighting and the background. 

I'm no professional but I LOVE how these pictures turned out.  Thanks Haseeb and Oliver!

xoxo,
Kristen

Behind the name

I personally keep a journal to record my thoughts, my hops, my fears and inspirational quotes.  I feel like keeping a blog is idyllic but also a tad bit more time consuming.  It's not as easy as turning to a blank page and scribbling.  But there's something about the time you put into a product that is to be publically viewed.  It requires more thought, reserving the vulnerability of your raw emotions but in a way that is entertaining for the audience.  Hah, I've started so many blogs, I had to think of a blog name- something that captured this particular point in time in my life that I want to convey. 

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Well, up until this point in my life, BEAUTY has been a struggle to be realized and understood.  The struggle was at its peak in college where my life and worldview was completely inside out. I had a once-in-a-lifetime experience that made me realize that I have a purpose-driven life and need to live for a cause, greater than myself.  My identity as an athlete, as a young woman, a woman of color and as a daughter was stretched and I had a great deal of difficulty trying to develop each area of my life to the point where I wanted to fully express its derision. 

More than ever, media had an affect of what I thought was beautiful and my own understanding of beauty.  I never thought I was worthy of notice, worthy of being loved nor did I believe in my personal value and worth.  Being a woman who is very goal-oriented and achievement based, I thought that my achievements gave me value. (&they did!) But those accomplishments are only worth as much as you value yourself. 

Since then, I've been molded and shaped to become the woman I'm made to be.  But I won't stop there.  I want to communicate to others this same message.   

tran·spire  (trn-spr)

v. tran·spired, tran·spir·ing, tran·spires

1. To become known; come to light.

2. Usage Problem To come about; happen or occur.

3. To give off vapor containing waste products, as through animal or plant pores.

Slowly but surely, I've learned how to accept who I am as a person of integrity, as a woman of color and someone who has big dreams. It's taken me a while but I can confidently say that "I am beautiful." 

I feel like me entering into this pageant has come at the perfect time to mark the end of one chapter and to begin onto the next.  

xoxo,

Kristen 

 

Talk about growing pains...

Preparation for this pageant has had its fair share of "growing pains," however, I'm still managing to persevere with 40 days left!!

Thank you to (so many) people that have shown their generosity and compassion in this particular cause.  If I've taken anything away from this pageant, it is the fact that I can be a more giving person to others.  My spirit has been uplifted by the words of encouragement and the number of people just interested in what I'm doing with my life.  I am so touched by everyone's kindness, I am truly blessed.

I know that despite my lack of experience in pageants, I know that my life experiences have prepared me for what is to come.  I have HUGE faith that something big will come out of this and I can only imagine the doors of opportunity this may lead to. 

"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:4

It has been difficult to achieve and maintain balance with a fullwork schedule, a part-time work schedule, workout routine, home life and personal life.  When I'm tired or stressed, it's VERY easy to slip into negative thoughts, "I'm not good enough," "You don't know what you're getting yourself into," "You're not ready..."

It is a good feeling to feel loved and cherished by coworkers, family and friends that are proud of you for doing your very best! (or simply for being YOURSELF).  I feel like a winner before having competed because of the strong confidence this gives me. 

 Lesson #3:  Don't wait until the finish line or the end product to celebrate.

xoxo,
Kristen